friendship

Having friends wasn’t the easiest thing for me, but it wasn’t the hardest either. I had experienced a lot of loss concerning friends, but luckily, I now have great, loving friends that I know will always be by my side.

But, unfortunately, I have just experienced an act of betrayal. During middle school, it was a scary time for me – older kids, tougher classes, and more responsibility. It was a lot, and it didn’t help that I went to one of the most famous middle schools in my state, and it wasn’t for a good reason. This school was absolutely terrifying for me. I knew nobody, for my elementary was in a different zone, and my shy and quiet attitude did not cater to me in the least. But, through that time in 6th grade, I had actually found a good group of friends that I really care about. To this day, I still do for most, and few I don’t even communicate with.

This experience happened a year ago. One of the many in my group of friends that I cared for probably the most betrayed me. Although I may sound extremely dramatic right now, I feel like I’m really not. They were my best friend, all the way from 6th grade to 8th, yet I still ended up hurt.

About a week ago, I was talking them, and as usual, we talked about many things, ranging from cute people to some old (they aren’t even that old) 6th grade memories when suddenly, I got a message on Instagram. Of course, me not really getting messages or notifications at all, is eager. It was from an old middle school acquaintance that I saw quite a lot, but didn’t really share things as they were just simple hello’s. I was confused, but I clicked on the message anyways and was greeted by screenshots after screenshots. There were so many. I clicked the first, my heart dropping by each message that were sad to say, not coming from the middle school acquaintance. As I read through every single screenshot and message, my heart broke little by little, and my tears couldn’t stop flowing from my eyes.

After the screenshots, there was a message sent by my acquaintance: “I’m sorry.” with a sympathetic emoji.

The screenshots dated back to 7th grade, meaning that my best friend had done all of this for almost two years.

The screenshots and messages weren’t the most saddening part though – it was me, cherishing and caring and loving and devoting this person to the point where I didn’t even have enough love for myself. I simply felt empty. Not a single ounce of my body felt all right, and knowing me, I knew I wasn’t going to feel all right for awhile.

This person, who I shared all of my secrets to. This person, who I felt happy around. This person, who could truly make me feel like myself just by being in their presence. This person who ruined my life.

People learn through lessons and experiences, and this specific experience was definitely a major one in my life. We may get hurt and beaten down to the point where we feel as if the world has just ended, but now it’s jokes on them because what we get in return is much greater than being broken. At first, I was being your stereotypical “teenager”: staying in my room all day, talking to barely anyone, and giving away fake, painful smiles. But in the end, although it hurt so so much, I still ended that cold war with myself, with a huge smile.

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